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Every loving long-term relationship will endure its share of pain. Pleasure and pain it's a package deal.

Photo courtesy: Alex de Carvalho

KiCK’N Relationship Tips

With Lori and Bob Hollander

Secrets to Creating Extraordinary Relationships

Every loving long-term relationship will endure its share of pain. Pleasure and pain it’s a package deal.

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Forget, Fight or Forgive? Choose the Path of Courage

Why is it that the people we love the most are so often the ones we hurt?

Being kind to people we are not intricately involved with doesn’t take much effort. We put on our game face, stay close to the surface and show the best part of ourselves for a short time. And if the other is judgmental or hurtful, we can just walk away.

Our love relationships are quite a different story. Deeply sharing our whole selves, and being intimately connected day in and day out for a lifetime, leaves us vulnerable to the thoughts, feelings, judgments and actions of our partner; hence a greater opportunity to be hurt. Inevitably, every loving relationship will endure its share of pain and hurt over years of living and loving together. Pleasure and pain – it’s a package deal.

What’s more, we bring to our love relationship, our baggage, our unique history of love and angst experienced in our families of origin. These primary experiences, which occur in our most vulnerable state as children, shape our perceptions of others, our particular sensitivities and painful triggers, along with our ability to cope with hurt.

Our partner unknowingly becomes the image of one who will heal all that, the one who will love us unconditionally, make us secure and protect us from being hurt; and thus, is linked to our deep and unconscious baggage. When he inevitably wounds us, we experience feelings of rejection, betrayal, anger, hurt and sadness – and those feelings are heightened by the unconscious pain from our history. Uncertainty and doubt are cast upon the relationship’s foundation of trust.

What are our choices when we feel emotionally wounded?

Read More On The Path To Forgiveness

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